Good Morning....

When I woke up today, I found a missed call from Elizabeth on my phone.  We're supposed to hang out tomorrow as planned.  I really wanna watch a movie.  Up until now, I haven't seen Wolverine.  But then, it looks like things are changing again.  The conversation turned out into a spat.  Geez... we haven't really gotten back together and it looks like it's worse now.

You see, last week, my mom and I went house-hunting and we found this house in Dona Juana in Pasig.  It's like two minutes away from my condo.  I fell in love with it and it's a place that I'd wanna spend the rest of my life with.  It's called Garnet Villas.  It's one of 5 townhouses that are totally alike.It's three stories high with three bedrooms and two T/B.  Please bare with the photo because I only used my phone.  

In February, I moved out of our house in Valle Verde 1 because my evil Aunts are coming over for a visit from the U.S. and Spain.  Our Valle Verde 1 home is basically where we all grew up.  Since I hated my Aunts, I really didn't wanna see them during their two months' stay here so I decided to move out which explains why I live in a condominium now.  For Elizabeth, it was a bad decision for me to move into a condo with my dog and my best friend.  It was definitely an impulsive move but wew really didn't have time.  We left the Valle home a week from their arrival date.  That's right, we adopted my best fried into our family.  She has been an orphan since after college and being with my family was the biggest blessing in her life.  I was not going to ditch her just like that, you know.  So we decided to move in to this condo together.  She's not the type who can live alone and it was just right for us to move in together.  But, Elizabeth thought otherwise.  

A week after we moved in to the condo, she bought a lot in Taguig for reasons that I couldn't understand and saw as her way of getting back at me.  When Elizabeth and Crystal planned about the house to build on that 250 sq. m. lot, I really was not part of it.  They were planning about their rooms and they even drew these on paper.  They were telling me about it and I was completely out of the picture.  How would anyone expect me to feel good about that?  I was originally not part of the plan and I was simply left out but I just let it pass.  Talks about that lot came up again and at that time, they included me in the picture.  I did volunteer to be the one to spend in putting up the house but it was like 99% against my will due to a lot of repercussions along the way.  I knew that there would be numerous questions around us putting up that house.  I knew that it was going to be unwanted by her family and mine.  For the past months, I tried to convince myself that it was feasible.  I lost myself sometimes into thinking that she can easily throw me out when we fight because that house would be built on her lot.  

When we broke up for the nth time two weeks ago, I thought that it would only make sense for me to buy my own house.  A house that I can be comfortable living in and a house where I can take them both in.  My parents are migrating in a few months to the U.S. and I would definitely need a home of my own.  Valle is not an option anymore with my Aunts meddling.  I did not see Taguig as an option.  I'm supposed to be the man in this relationship and it is but right for me to put a roof over Elizabeth and Crystal (if there still is a relationship), not the other way around.  I'm not getting any younger and truthfully, I can feel my body aging.  I have to do this now, otherwise I wouldn't be able to in the future.  And now I found this house, she's telling me that I'm doing this to get back at her.  WTF?????????

99% of my brain cells are telling me that this should just stop.  I love her with all my heart and soul but this is just ridiculous.  I am not happy right now and I don't see myself being happy in the future with her.

Melancholy

Yesterday, before I went to bed, I messaged Elizabeth asking how she is.  I just miss her so badly.  Yes, there's that element where I can do whatever I have been holding myself from doing like watching movies and buying what I want to buy.  Aside from clothes and shoes, I actually wanna buy a house (which I've already found) and a truck which I've wanted for the longest time.  I know that I can stretch myself into buying both at the same time.  It's all a matter of getting that chance to buy them RIGHT NOW.  Right now when I'm free... 

I've always wanted to buy a house and a Toyota Hilux.  I've just been having second thoughts and a second decision that's why I never had the chance to really do it.  Aside from the feeling of being free from tdoing everything that I want, I also have this feeling that I want her back.  

Yesterday, I sent Elizabeth a message asking how she was and she said that she's good.  I tried to strike up a conversation about how she really is.  She eventually told me about her interviews and where she's at right now with those interviews.  Her actually answering my questions and not shutting me out by saying, "What do you care?"  It was definitely something else.  She was able to tell me specifically what was going on with all of her job applications.  I'm genuinely excited for her except that these companies are not offering her what she definitely deserves.  Based from experience, I so know how she performs and she's really something else.  She was my supervisor when I started with ICT and she was definitely someone I looked up to.  How she is as a boss made me fall in love with her.  Up until now, I have to admit, I'm still very much in love with her.  I may seem selfish but at some days, I'd really wanna have her all to myself.  We do not get to spend much quality time and whatever chance I get, I'd take it.  

It is not true that I love JDee more than her daughter.  JDee may have all my attention and it's all because I live with him.  He's my source of sanity and happiness.  He manages to cheer me up in my bottom moments.  Still, that would not compare to an actual person's comfort.  I love Elizabeth with all my heart and I love Crystal like my own daughter.  I'm not sure why that's hard to understand.  

But, gahd, I do miss Elizabeth so badly and I only wish to hold her tight in my arms once again...  

BPI, C. Raymundo Branch

In my previous blog, I mentioned that I reached out to Crystal.  I asked her what's new and she said that she's playing a new game on Facebook.  Then she started telling me that she's all worried because she doesn't have the book entitled Because of Winn-Dixie.  I remember Elizabeth having such a hard time looking for this book and I've been asking for the title but she never gave it to me.  It was only when I was able to chat with Crystal that I found out what the book title is.  I immediately went on ebay and bought it right there and then.  She needed the book so badly because she has a summer book report homework that she needs to submit when school starts.  

There a couple of payment options and I chose BPI because there's a branch a block away from my pad.  I've been meaning to open a savings account there and I thought that maybe I can do it all together too.  After standing in line for maybe 15 minutes to pay for the book, I proceeded to the new accounts section and asked for bank forms.  I was surprised to receive a sarcastic treatment from the BPI employee.  To think I was as nice as I can be and dressed respectably.  Because of that, I will not set foot in that BPI branch again.  I'd rather go all the way to my banks in Silver City where I'm treated like royalty and I'm pertaining to UCPB and BDO.  There's also a BPI there.  I'll check that out one of these days.  If the service is good then I would invest.  If not, forget about it.

Today's Realization

While at work, I went down for a smoke today with one of my Recruiters who's also Elizabeth's friend.  He told me that he was chatting with her earlier and she said that a big factor right now with what's going on is the fact that she's out of work and if I cannot be with her right now given her situation, she doesn't wanna be with me at all in all other events in her life.

That was a tough one.  I actually know what she's going through.  She's now on her third month without work and I'm not there to support her nor to listen to her.  She makes a lot of sense.  Truthfully, my heart is melting.  I don't know what to do.

I did try to reach out today to Crystal and I texted Elizabeth today, too.  I'm really feeling sad.  

Angels & Demons

I finally got around to watching Angels & Demons.  Actually, I was planning on watching this with Elizabeth.  She told me last week that we should watch a movie over the weekend and I said yey!  Truthfully, I forgot the last time I watched a movie.  I even forgot what that movie was.  It has literally been that long a time!  Plans changed when we broke up.  I went alone.

So yeah... I dropped off JDee at my mom's house then my mom hitched a ride with me.  I dropped her off at Robinson's Galleria and I went straight to Megamall.  I parked at the 4th level and went straight to the movie ticket booth to buy myself a ticket to a single screening of Angels & Demons airing at 11:30 AM.  It was only 11:15 at the time.  I had a few minutes to pick up the three pairs of slacks I bought from G2000 yesterday that I had repaired at Heel Sew Quik at the lower ground level of Mega A.  I just grabbed it real quick then I headed straight to Cinema 6.  I was able to catch a glimpse of "The Taking of Pelham 123" and it seems like another movie to look forward to.  And then... Angels & Demons started...

The movie stars Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor and Ayelet Zurer.  I've read the book maybe twice and from what I remember, the movie seems a lot different from the book.  I remember how critical Vittoria's role is in the book and I didn't see that realized in the movie.  There were a lot of other things left out, too but the movie came out really nice still.  By nice, I mean that the Catholic Church really wouldn't have any qualms about this movie.  If you haven't watched it, that's for me to know and for you to find out why.

The Antidote: Shopping

Shopping is such an amazing antidote for sadness.  Yesterday, I felt that there's nothing else better to do than to go to the mall and shop.  I seldom go to the mall but yesterday, there was a need since I mentioned in my earlier blog that my dog chewed on the power cord of my laptop.  

So, yeah... I did go to Megamall after all.  My parents hitched a ride with me because they wanted to attend the 12:30 mass at the Chapel of the Eucharist Lord at the 5th level of the Atrium in SM Megamall.  I parked right at the 5th level and walked right in.  The first thing that I noticed was the Our Home sale at the Megatrade Hall.  I really wanted to get accents for my sala set like colorful pillows and a comfy blanket.  I ended up buying a few flat sheets and body pillow cases.  I wanted to get a floor lamp but I didn't find any.  

After that, I went to All Flip Flops to get myself a new pair of Havaianas.  Not that I don't have a pair... I just wanted a new one.  So I bought this neat pair of blue and silver Havaianas wave and I wore them right away because they matched the plaid shorts and shirt that I was wearing.  I asked for the sales attendant to just put my old pair in the box instead.  

And them, I went to Gap which just opened.  I remember that during my last trip to the U.S., I was able to get a lot from the Gap outlet in Camarillo... I think I got 10 pairs of boxers, a pair of white pants, and a lot of shirts.  I loved the designs and I just got everything that would fit me.  I'm a size 0 and it's pretty hard to find clothes that will fit me that I'd like to wear.    But when I went to the Gap store here in Megamall, I couldn't find anything.  I eventually met up with my parents after that.

And so, I took my parents to lunch at Red Kimono at the 2nd Level of the Atrium.  I loved the ambiance as soon as I entered.  My parents had to go to the rest room and they asked me to order for them.  I ordered the Maguro Sashimi and California Maki for starters and I ordered the following for each of us:

• My mom wanted fish so I got her the Fillet of Cream Dory.  It's grilled to perfection and served with sauteed spinach and garlic buttery mashed potatoes.  It's pretty good!!!
• My dad wanted beef so I got him the Beef Teppanyaki.  Good thing I chose Teppanyaki over Teriyaki because that was exactly what he wanted.  Yum!  Yum!!!
• I got myself the Shrimp Tempura Bento.  It was pretty good but I felt that the Tempura sauce lacked flavor.  I'm not sure if that's the case because I'm under medication.  It could very well be that my taste buds are affected.

I finished my food earlier than my parents did and I decided to go outside for a smoke.  On my way back, I saw the G2000 store and thought... Gahd, my office clothes are getting boring so I went inside.  I found a lot of nice slacks and button-downs.  I lost track of time and when I checked my phone, I already had maybe 4 missed calls from my mom.  I hurried back to Red Kimono to pay for the bill and then I went back to G2ooo with my parents.  I ended up buying 7 button-downs and three pairs of slacks which cost me a little over 10k.  I had to go to Heel Sew Quik to have my slacks repaired while my parents waited at the PLDT over at the 5th level since that's where my brother works.  

I also passed by quickly at SST Laptop & Repair Shop at the Cyberzone at the 4th level to grab a new power adapter for my Dell Latitude E5400.  My dog chewed on my power cord, remember?

When we arrived at my parents house, I called Essenciale Home Spa so I could get a massage.  My back hurt because I'm not really used to walking the malls.  I was planning to watch Angels & Demons after since I had to go back at 8PM anyway to pick up the slacks I had repaired.  But guess what... I didn't wake up till after 9PM.  Bummer!

And so, JDee and I went home to our condo in Pasig.  At around 11PM, I received a text message from Elizabeth saying: "I'm really sorry for what I said and I'm really sorry for what I can't do.  I just wanted you to know that."

We had a huge argument Thursday night.  She texted me saying that she felt that i was disinterested in her and her life.  It was the first night that I went back to work since I got sick and was bedridden for four days.  Before that argument, she was telling me about the interview that she had that day and after telling the story, I asked her if she liked it and she said that it was okay.  And I said, "Just okay?  Okay, let's move on to the next prospect."  At that time, I was feeling groggy because I just popped a pill.  She suddenly switched moods and decided to hang up on me, thus that text message.  I called her maybe an hour after she sent that.  I was too busy catching up at work so it took me an hour to get back to her.  We were arguing about not being able to spend time with each other and she was telling me that I loved my dog more than I loved her daughter (She gave me that dog for Christmas).  I told her that I can only do so much at this point.  I can only go as far as seeing her Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon.  She wanted more.  She even asked me what the point is in keeping the relationship.  I then asked her, "What are you going to do about it?"  And she said that she cannot go to my place if she doesn't have a driver and she doesn't want to commute.  I would've said that there are other options like riding with her brother or her sister.  But, instead, I said, "Okay, let me throw the question back, what's the point."  And she said nothing.  So that was the end of it.

In response to her text, I asked, "What do we do now?"  Her reply was, "We?  There's no more we."  And I just said okay.  

Right now, it's really hard to reach her expectations with all the external factors.  My parents are migrating in a couple of months.  I have a very demanding job.  And, truthfully, I do not know what to prioritize.  I do love her but I can't do more that I can do now.  

My Dog

I have a Shih Tzu named JDee.  He was given to me by my partner for Christmas.  Gahd, he's so adorable but he can be crazy sometimes when he's trying to catch my attention.  Like today, I had to back to the office because I left the power adapter for my laptop.  He goes with me everywhere so we both hopped in the car and headed to my office.  I was just really quick in grabbing my adapter and we quickly headed for home.  Since I was driving, I didn't notice that he was already nibbling on my power cord which he eventually ruined.  My laptop wouldn't charge now!   I have a Dell Latitude E5400 laptop, by the way.  I've been going through the web trying to canvass for a new one since the one that I have right now wouldn't work.  So I figured, JDee just cost me another 2K to get a new one... Bummer!   

Weekends

For the past years, I've been spending most, if not all, of my weekends in the mountains of Antipolo.  This is where my partner lives.  

They have a really nice place... A huge lot, maybe 2000 square meters big.  There are two houses in their compound.  They live in one and a part of her extended family lives in the other.  Her immediate family lives in the house on the left part of the lot.  In the middle, there's a paved basketball court and right next to it is a covered parking area.  So, yeah, it's a compound very condusive for a family with kids to live in.  There are a lot of trees, a lot of dogs, and a few fighter roosters.  There are days when there's a hammock tied to a tree near the covered parking area.  That's where I crash when it's there.  

They're house is just right for a family of six.  So there's her mom, her dad, her sister, her brother and her daughter of course.  So you might be asking, "She has a daughter?"  Yes, she does.  A beautiful 9-year-old daughter who's on the road to puberty.  She had her when she was still in college.  As a result, she wed the father before she gave birth but eventually, they separated when the daughter was a year old.  Okay, let's name my partner.  Let's just call her Elizabeth.  And her daughter, let's name her Crystal.  

Right now, Elizabeth doesn't have work.  She got retrenched three months ago and is actively searching for a new job.  Good thing it's summer and she gets to spend all day and all night with Crystal.  They really have an exceptional mother-daughter relationship.  Crystal can just be so clingy that if you'd count the number of times she'd call her mom in an hour, you'd go crazy.  

I, on the other hand, have this very demanding job managing  a start-up RPO company in Makati.  How demanding is it?  I usually work 19 hours a day.  I stay in the office for 12-13 hours and then spend around six hours more working while at home.  I work nights, by the way.  So I usually go to work at 8:00 PM.  I go home at around 8:00 or 9:00 AM.  I have a very critical role in the company as I report directly to the President and part-owner of the company.  My boss is actually leaving by the end of this year and I only have a few months to have this company running like a well-oiled machine.  I'm taking over when my boss leaves for the U.S. and that's an even bigger responsibility.

So now, you're seeing two sides.  I have a partner who's draining all her energy on a daily basis trying to be busy.  And, to state the obvious, I'm busier than a bee!  When I come home from work on Saturdays, I'm usually so pooped that I just crash in bed with whatever clothes on I had on my Friday shift.  I wake up Saturday night and rush to my partner's abode bringing food so we can all have dinner together with her family.  After dinner, I just smoke with her for a bit and then I'd fall asleep right away.  When I wake up usually around midnight, we'd just have another smoke and I'd be heading home.  

As soon as I get home, I'd be busy with work again and I would stay awake until 5:00 AM, go to sleep and wake up in the afternoon so I could go back to Antipolo.  We don't really talk much anymore.  She'd be playing with Crystal and I'd be playing with my phone or working with my laptop.  Before we know it, it's already Monday again.  It just passed by that fast and we didn't get to spend even a wee bit of quality time.  

These were my weekends for the past six months.  Sometimes, I would get to ask myself the following questions:

• How did it get to this?
• Why did we let this happen?
• Is there anything else that we can do?
• Is it still worth it?
• Is it too late?

So, yeah.  We broke up for the nth time last Thursday.  And, for two weekends now, I have not been to Antipolo.  I don't know how or what to feel at this point.  It didn't used to be this way.