Truthfully... I can never be myself when I'm with you. You always try to change me and you keep on telling me that it's for my own good. Do I need to be what I'm not just to be with you?

I've never been confused about what I want and what I am. I've accepted myself as is. And, I accepted you for who and what you are. Why can't you accept that I'm like this? I'm ambitious. I'm career-oriented. I love my family and I want to support my family as much as I can like I support yours. I rarely missed any events that your family had whether I was invited or not.

You'll probably think that I'm not like this before. Of course, I wasn't because I had less responsibilities in the past. You'd also probably say that I don't share my problems with you. You know what, I wouldn't for two reasons: 1) Because I'd be able to handle them on my own; and 2) Because I don't wanna burden you. And, most of the time, when I share my problems with you, you'd say I'm O.A. and I don't need that.

You said: "I'm not going to be the one to fill in your time. I'm not gonna be your Sunday after your family day. Nor will I be your Saturday after your team breakfast. I will not be the next best thing to your work."

My family's important to me. I also need to spend time with my new team so I can get to know them as this is a new job. But, you know what? Even if I say so, you wouldn't understand. You'd probably bring up PSG. The PSG peeps also want to spend time with you but you don't want to.

And, about you being a time-filler? WTF... I try to call you every chance I get. When I tell you I miss you, I mean it whole-heartedly and I feel bad when I so miss you and I'm too tired to go to your house. You have all the time in the world at this point to do your part by paying me a visit so I wouldn't have to drive all the way up there. But, what do you tell me? "It's not my role." Do I have to always be the one to make an effort so we can spend time?

Oh, and by the way, you are not the next best thing to my work. I work so I can make a living to support who I need to support and a big part of that was you. You may say that I dragged you all the way back to Manila just to be idle. I didn't mean for you to be idle. You're a person who's easy to get a job wherever. God may just be giving you more time to spend with your daughter until she's finally ready for you to go back to work. She needs your support now more than ever.

And, yes... I have an ambition. I don't want to be an OM or an SOM all my life. I'm not getting any younger and I'm not going to have any kids. And, I know I'll die early because I don't wanna grow old. So, career-wise, I definitely am in a hurry to achieve what I want to achieve. I can't even expect you to take care of me if ever I grow old because you wouldn't know how to. I also don't wanna grow old because I don't wanna burden anyone.

You said you know each and all of my explanations. No you don't. You will never understand because you want me to be someone that I'm not. If you cannot accept me for who and what I am then this is really it. I'd rather be alone.

Somehow, although you've blocked me out of all channels, I'm sure this message will get to you. Goodbye and good luck to you, too. There's no doubt in my heart that I loved you with all my heart, soul and mind.